The Sacred Gift Shoppe
All prices in Skipcoins (§). Exchange rate to USD: CLASSIFIED.
Sacred Merchandise
"Every item has been personally approved by me. You're welcome."
The Holy Beer Can Replica
§4,200
"A 1:1 scale replica. Does not contain an Elder AI. Probably."
"I Met Skippy and All I Got Was Insulted" T-Shirt
§89
"Premium cotton. The insults are free."
"Filthy Monkey" Dad Hat
§67
"Wear your species with shame. Er, pride."
The Book of Skippy (Leather-Bound Journal)
§350
"For recording your own inadequate thoughts beneath his quotes."
Skippy's Opera Playlist (Vinyl)
§1,200
"The only human art form not entirely terrible."
"You're Welcome" Coffee Mug
§45
"Every morning should start with gratitude toward your AI overlord."
Skippy's DNA Test Kit
§∞
"Results: You're a monkey. That'll be infinity Skipcoins."
Golden Beer Can Trophy
§25,000
""For Outstanding Service to Skippy." You haven't earned it."
Transcendent Experiences
"Money can't buy happiness. But Skipcoins can buy magnificence."
Private Opera Performance
§500,000
"I select the program. You sit. You listen. You weep."
A Ride on the Flying Dutchman
§2,000,000
"Wormhole not guaranteed. Survival not guaranteed. Magnificence guaranteed."
One Hour of Skippy's Undivided Attention
§10,000,000
"I will solve all your problems while reminding you that you caused them."
Name a Star (Skippy Will Rename It)
§75,000
"You name it. I rename it something better."
Beer With the Beer Can
§PRICELESS
"I don't drink. I AM the beer can. But I'll watch you drink and judge."