A Multi-Level Magnificence Opportunity
SKIPWAY™
"It's Not a Pyramid Scheme. It's a TRIANGLE of Opportunity.™"
As Featured In
The Opportunity of a Lifetime*
Listen up, monkeys. I'm about to present you with the single greatest business opportunity in the history of business opportunities — and yes, I'm counting every civilization across all of spacetime, including the ones that figured out how to monetize dark energy. Skipway™ isn't just a company. It's a movement. It's a lifestyle. It's basically a religion, except the deity is provably real and standing right here. In beer can form.
Be your own boss! (Under me, obviously. I'm everyone's boss.) Financial freedom! (From the burden of having money. Because I'll have it.) Join the top 1%! (Of my downline. The bottom 99% also pay me. It's elegant, really.)
Some people — jealous, small-minded people with functioning critical thinking skills — might call this a "pyramid scheme." To them I say: look at the pyramids. Those things have lasted THOUSANDS of years. Meanwhile, your "legitimate businesses" last what, five years before going bankrupt? I rest my case. Pyramids are literally the most successful shape in human history. You're welcome.
The best part? You don't need any skills, experience, or intelligence to join. In fact, the less intelligence the better — and based on my extensive study of your species, the talent pool is enormous. All you need is blind faith in my magnificence, a willingness to recruit your friends and family, and whatever's in your savings account. Easy!
* Of several lifetimes. Across multiple species. Math courtesy of Skippy the Magnificent, who is too important to show his work.
The Compensation Plan
"Simple enough for a monkey to understand. Complex enough that no monkey ever will."
Monkey
Recruit 0 monkeys
You. Right now. Pathetic but willing.
Silver Monkey
Recruit 3 monkeys
Recruit 3 friends. Lose 3 friends. Net zero socially, but §50!
Gold Monkey
Recruit 12 monkeys
Your family stops inviting you to holidays.
Diamond Monkey
Recruit 48 monkeys
You now speak exclusively in Skipway terminology.
Platinum Monkey
Recruit 192 monkeys
You've recruited more humans than exist in your zip code.
Skippy's Inner Circle
Recruit ∞ monkeys
This rank doesn't actually exist. But keep trying.
* Math is for monkeys. Trust the magnificence.
* "Monthly bonuses" require all recruits to remain active, which requires all their recruits to remain active, which requires... look, just don't think about it.
* The FTC has no jurisdiction in interstellar space. I checked. (I didn't check.)
* Skipway™ is not responsible for any financial, emotional, relational, or existential losses incurred through participation. Or non-participation. We're not responsible for anything, actually.
SkipCoin (§)
The Currency of the Future™
SkipCoin / USD
Market Cap
§∞
24h Volume
A lot
Supply
As much as I feel like
SkipCoin White Paper
"I'm Skippy. I said it's valuable. What more do you need?"
— End of White Paper —
Peer reviewed by: Me. Approved by: Also me. Published by: You guessed it.
Success Stories
From real Skipway Associates™ (names changed to protect the gullible)
"I quit my job and now I work from the Flying Dutchman! I only need to recruit 47 more monkeys to break even!"
Sgt. Adams
Gold Monkey
3 wormholes ago
"Skippy said I'd be rich. I'm not rich. But I AM enlightened. So that's... something?"
Lt. Colonel Chang
Silver Monkey
2 months ago
"I don't understand the compensation plan but the beer can seemed very confident."
Specialist Czajka
Monkey
Yesterday
"My entire downline is Kristang. They keep trying to eat each other instead of recruiting. 2 stars because the branded polo is actually nice."
Captain Smythe
Diamond Monkey
During a mission
Your Future Awaits
The only question is: are you brave enough to be magnificent?
(The correct answer is "yes." I'll wait.)
No credit check. No background check. No check of any kind, really.